Is there such a thing as a stupid question?
That question right there is a perfect example of a stupid question. Also included in this family are:
“How many of your limbs are real?”
“How many of your kittens are pets?”
“Is that really a pineapple?”
“How related to your mother are you?”
“Why does that platypus not have a jet pack?”
“Don’t you think you have too many Cadbury Crème Eggs?”
In my opinion, this last question is the absolute stupidest. Can anyone really have too many Cadbury Crème Eggs? See, there I go asking stupid questions again. Cadbury Crème Eggs are like magical orbs of ambrosia passed down from the Olympic Gods to the 3 Wisemen, who, in their infinite wisdom, gave them to the Easter Bunny upon his birth in the manger.
At least, that’s what I was taught when I was 8 by my Great Grandmother’s cult, just after I was baptized in chocolate. No other religion has quite spoken to me since.
Honestly, I like Easter for the simple fact that it harks the coming of Cadbury Crème Eggs. It also marks the beginning of mornings like this:
Seriously, have you ever tried to eat more than a couple of Cadbury eggs? They’re great and all, but the pure unadulterated joy (along with the hundreds of calories) is just too much to handle.
When Spring rolls around, people buy these little joy-orbs in the dozens, psych themselves up for eating AT LEAST that many, and then, upon finishing one, promptly lost interest. It’s like one’s immune system puts your entire body on lock-down after you drop one of these caloric A-bombs down your throat-hatch.
Here’s a graph describing the process:
And here’s a more descriptive visual demonstration of the process:
STEP 1: It may be Christmas, but CADBURY CREME EGGS ARE COMING in only a few short months!!
STEP 3: Oh, hey sexy. How about you slip out of that foil wrapping, and into something a bit more comfortable…LIKE MY MOUTH!
STEP 4: I’m actually eating it. This is happening. I will never stop eating Cadbury Creme Eggs, because I want to perpetually feel this moment forever.
STEP 5: What have I done?
But, honestly, Cadbury Creme Eggs are the way to my heart. Take note, ladies. That is, if you want a guy who wakes up every morning surrounded by half-eaten Cadbury Creme Eggs, and no memory of the night. Honestly, I don’t even think it’s the alcohol that causes the memory-loss – it’s more likely one of the many strange chemicals that make those Eggs so goddam delicious.